Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
