you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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