I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
