Yo dont text me then not text me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
