I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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