remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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