I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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