turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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