a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I enjoy the company of your penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
