im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
