i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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