I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
