It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
