yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
