I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a beard to bite.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
