I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
