I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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