i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
