so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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