Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
