it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and she was petting her beer can
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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