i don't like sucking hair
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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