Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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