moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
