don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i believe in u and ur pee
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
