you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize