The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
false alarm. still invincible.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
