wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
