And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
