My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize