you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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