I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
