goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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