yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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