Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize