Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
