i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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