Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
