Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
