To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
