He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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