Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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