he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
