as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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