can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
