If i come over, it means nothing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
