I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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