I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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