No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
