you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
