It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
