i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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