Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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