sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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