I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
