whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
