How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
