Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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