How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
