Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
