Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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