that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
