make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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