ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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