I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
