i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
