Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
