Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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