How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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