im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
